Dream when you’re awake

Often I ask myself, is love really just a figment of one’s imagination when reality is, marriage is just a piece of paper stating two people’s lives being intertwined. Like any knot, it can come undone.

“You know you’re in love when you can’t fall asleep because reality is finally better than your dreams.” ― Dr. Seuss

Today I have been fortunate enough to meet someone that I truly appreciate. When that figment of imagination becomes a reality. It’s ironic how fate messes with one’s mind. isn’t it?

Every child grows up with a bucket list, and with every year that passes, the list either gets longer or shorter. At the age of 28, I can honestly say I have no more than three items left on my list. Is it because I stopped dreaming or because I’ve accepted the reality of adulthood? Well neither! I have had the fortunate opportunity to be with strong, willing, loving men who have stepped into my life and helped me tick items off my list.

Growing up, I’ve always been a rough child and sometimes forgetting that physical inequality between genders will always be an issue. I pushed myself resulting in a body full of injuries, faced with the possibility of not being able to walk after 35. My dream is to become an author and guess what? you don’t need your legs to write. So I accepted my fate. I want to truly live out the next 7 years and accept that I will very likely be bound to a wheelchair thereafter…

Today, I stand before you hypothetically speaking, with the chance to continue walking, stepping on the stones to a writing career and I’m learning Spanish. This being the benchmark in my long or short life. I owe it all to the man that sleeps beside me every night. The el hambre that I owe my legs to, because my reality has become sweeter than any dream I can dream beside any other man.

“Will it last?” People ask… I don’t know, perhaps but I know that I have loved wholeheartedly more than once and I can positively say that they too have loved me back. Love between two people can last a life time but it can also end when circumstances make an appearance. Love is a feeling shared between two people, not limited by time nor space, but the unspoken “it” that only two people will understand.

I love, was loved and now I live my life content and dream while I’m awake. I no longer know the difference between a dream and a reality. But should I be dreaming, I don’t want to wake up. If it is reality, then Lord please don’t make me go to sleep.

Being alone vs loneliness

“People think being alone makes you lonely, but I don’t think that’s true. Being surrounded by the wrong people is the loneliest feeling in the world.” ~ Kim Culbertson

Often people surround themselves with people they think will benefit them, even though often they might feel obligated to or encouraged to do so. Often I surround myself with people just so that I do not appear to be a loner.

Sadly, to me being in a room full of people and feel lonely is worse than being alone and feeling happy. Personally there is nothing catastrophically wrong with you if you are content with yourself, being in your own presence.

Quick question: If you happen to be invited to a party, the biggest event of the year, but you have been working all week and just want to be by yourself. Do you:

• go to the party because you’re expected to do so.
• pretend you forgot about it and go home.
• Ask your friends to go with you.
• Go for the opening and leave the first chance you get.

In all honesty, there is neither a right nor a wrong answer. Going to a party because you feel the need to make a social appearance seems perfectly fine for people who thrive for social status. Again there is absolutely nothing wrong for a socialite to go out even when on the brink of unconsciousness.

Pretend you have forgotten the date or the event doesn’t make you a bad person. You’re simply exhausted and don’t want to be around people. You’d rather feel happy sitting in front of the tv with a glass of red. This is simply the choice of someone who enjoys the pleasure of their own company.

Asking friends to go with you could have multiple reasons, one being that you might feel the need to rely on someone to take care of you if something happens, or simply need to have that emotional support and entertainment.. since we all know how boring some events could be.

Making an appearance would then seem like a rather balanced personality. Think about it? you’re making an appearance because you still require that social status, and just being able to say “I was there”…

My message today is simply, there is nothing wrong with you if you want to stay home and read a book as opposed to going out and getting stupidly drunk or networking when clearly you’re not in the right state of mind and almost a clear guarantee that you’re likely to be less than genuine and probably wont do a good job anyway.. SO go out if you feel the need, stay home if you know your limits but don’t assume someone is a loner simply because they don’t want to be in the presence of people that would drain their energy even more.

I am smart in only the things I choose to be smart in!

“Everybody is a genius. But if you judge a fish by its ability to climb a tree, it will live its whole life believing that it is stupid.” ~ Albert Einstein

There are no two people in this entire world that is exactly the same, so why do we expect people to react to every situation exactly as we predict them to every time?

Today’s piece I speak of multiple views of life and encounters that bedazzle me to a point of utter confusion.

Take for example the work place: when you hire someone, you are hiring them for their expertise, why then does the job require one to perfect all those in-betweeners? should we view ourselves as a fish and our ability to climb trees, it’s equivalent to judging a dog and it’s ability to fly. Off course should a dog wish to fly it would require wings which would then be a genetic mutation or a freak of science, why then is a construction worker judged or categorized as uneducated or ragged?

Same could be said in education, everyone’s mind functions in a remotely different manner, inclined to learn things in their own given way or more acknowledged in one subject as opposed to many subjects at once. Why do we begin to label people because they do not achieve high marks in some or other subject?

Now I ask: How often does the rhetorical “Are you stupid?” come out of your mouth?? often enough?? The next time you choose to use those words, consider how you would react if someone replies “yes I happen to be mildly retarded”. Then consider yourself privileged to be advanced in certain areas, and judge yourself on your ability to accomplish the tasks you know are clearly impossible for you.

Moral of the story: Think before you speak, because the toes you step on today might be linked the @$$ you need to kiss tomorrow.”

Expectations (1)

“If you are absent during my struggle, don’t expect to be present during my success” ~ Will Smith

It’s funny how “a friend in need is a friend indeed” can be interpreted in multiple ways, as we all know it is common when people need something, they call themselves friends but when all goes smoothly, no one else seems to matter to them. 

Reality is, it is human nature to put oneself before others, so what ‘I’ need seems more important and when others offer help, we often take it for granted as though we deserved to be helped. 

Truth be told, everyone is guilty of this at some point or another in their lives; but then every coin has two sides, some find joy in being there for people when they need help but when others around them are living joyously, they would choose to be left alone. 

Someone once said view every problem as a math equation, and often the first thing people choose to do is add or multiply. People like quantity in positive things but subtract or divide in negative things. If a person can simply remove him/herself from the equation, one can truly evaluate the problem and find the most optimal solution. 

Another viewpoint, if people are only around when we need them and nowhere to found when we don’t, we never seem to ask ourselves what do they get for being there when needed? Here’s a theory, some people need to be reminded that other people are in worse situations as opposed to themselves. Whilst, some need to take the problems of others to distract them from their own. Whichever may be the case, I think we seldom question, because it suits us just fine.

Now back to the original topic, when people want something, that is the only time people actually notice the existence of those around them. Whether this is true or not, only we ourselves will be able to answer this. I won’t forced you to tell your story, but just do me a favor, when you have a moment in your oh-so-busy life, just stop and thank one person in your life that’s been there for you. A simple “Thank you” shows appreciation and also indicates that you’ve noticed the efforts he/she has put in to changing something in your path.

“Thank you for giving me what I need and not what I want”

Maturity?

“The rate at which a person can mature is directly proportional to the embarrassment he can tolerate.“~Douglas Engelbart

We often compare the maturity level of people in proportion to their biological age, whilst a common excuse a woman rejects a guy is “he’s too immature for me”, today we speak of maturity level being in direct proportion to the amount of embarrassment that can be tolerated. 

First of all, does maturity level really depend on one’s biological age? if so, a man of thirty cannot or unlikely going to act the age of a sixty year old. well yes, a man of thirty can behave and think on the same wavelength as a man of sixty if the experiences in life are rich or plentiful. However, it is also not common, as one’s psyche actually develops over time and logically speaking at a certain pace depending on experience. 

Now, if one is not tolerant of embarrassment, does that mean one is not mature? or just impatient? I guess in this sense people often don’t associate themselves with those much younger or older, most likely due to experiences and interest. If a woman rejects the love of a younger man, because “he is too immature” is it not correct in that the woman is not tolerant of the man’s behavior? 

So if a woman dates a younger man, but he is psychologically more advanced, is it not true that she has no need to tolerate this embarrassment of what society labels a “cougar”?  that said, does that mean cougars are more mature? 

Going around in circles, is it really true that maturity is in fact proportional to tolerance of embarrassment? or is maturity solely dependent of one’s perception of another or one’s image in the eyes of another? I think maturity can be defined by one’s biological, psychological age and one’s ability to adapt to it’s surroundings more so than the tolerance of embarrassment.

 

Friendship found and lost

 “Don’t walk behind me; I may not lead. Don’t walk in front of me; I may not follow. Just walk beside me and be my friend.” 

― Albert Camus

Sometimes meeting someone, you know instantly that person is like a soul mate, someone you could bond with on multiple levels and thus, you throw all your efforts into this friendship. Sadly the saying “those that are closest to you are the ones that hurt you the most.”

I have a theory to this saying, logically like the phrase “love hate relationship” it takes love to hate someone and sometimes hate to really love someone. Now I know you’re about to jump out of your seat to argue how can you love and hate someone all at once… well the truth is, it really requires you to love someone to allow that person to get to you. It is through love that person breaks down your wall of defense and by the same amount of disappointment that person can hurt us more than someone we couldn’t care less about. 

So how does it require hate to love someone? well it is through the feeling of hate that we really cherish the people we love. For example.. if we love everyone, then what difference does one person have to another? but if we learn to hate someone, we compare our emotions towards one person with our emotions towards another, we then are able to differentiate between loving someone and hating someone.

Now that I’ve explained how love and hate relates to the concept of one’s emotions to those surrounding us, let me explain the purpose of today’s quote: it is true, when in friendship, we often, deep down become resentful if someone we start off with next to us, begins to move further ahead of us. Whether this resentment is from the fact that they are succeeding in life whilst we stand idle or whether they are moving so far ahead we feel left behind.. the question differs between people. Same goes, we don’t want to move too far ahead or we feel the need to stop and wait for them, or move on without them. So the idea is to best move with someone progressing at a similar pace. 

It’s sad to think that so few people move at a similar pace and if the speedy Gonzales among us move through life, think of all the people they leave behind. Should we then “stop to smell the roses” or should we continue to sprint through life not caring who we leave behind? I wish, just for one second, you’d stop and cherish this friendship as much as I do, or did.

 

Song of a drunk bartender

“One tequila, Two tequila, three tequila, four! 

Five tequila, six tequila, seven tequila, more!”

Life of a bartender is everything a party animal would love, but what about all those in-betweeners? People say party animals never grow tired of this life, then why do people stop going out? I mean, consider it a lifestyle, working while partying it up, who wouldn’t want this life?

The truth behind the lie is simply this lifestyle is tiring. Going to work in the late afternoon, first you clean-up then you set-up. When the night awakes, the rush begins, people come in waves and while the pace is unpredictable, most of the time you get moments in between when friends and regulars insist on having a drink with you.

Now, is this gesture as innocent as it seems? most of the time it is but the consequences could land up devastating, once a bartender becomes intoxicated, things start to break “unknowingly”, bills become less clear and then drinks starts to go out free-of-charge.

At the peak of the night, we see things that either amuse us or disgust us, and it’s almost common knowledge that in every busy bar, at least one puddle of gunk will appear almost weekly if not daily, in a drunken state cleaning up someone else’s body fluid is just not pleasant and we complain, yet we choose to continue this pattern.

Then again, on those few and far between occasions when you know you’ve reached your monthly sales quota, you know you’ve done well, this is like any other job, the satisfaction of achieving a goal, but at the expense of some unfortunate bloke… we go to bed with a smile on our faces… whether from intoxication or from the idea you’ve sold that “50 years Chivals Regal Royal Salute” which did you know is in fact worth $10000 US?

Needless to mention the next morning, the “morning glory” of a crazy night is to wake up knowing you’ve probably engulfed enough alcohol to fill the Nile river and feeling the rush to your unbearable hang-over.

Cure that every bartender should know, drink black coffee and invest in a good pair of sunglasses… you’re going to need it!

Psychobabble? Psychoanalytical babbling?

Psychobabble ( “psychology” or “psychoanalysis” and “babble“) is a form of speech or writing that uses psychological jargon, buzzwords, and esoteric language to create an impression of truth or plausibility. The term implies that the speaker or writer lacks the experience and understanding necessary for the proper use of psychological terms. Additionally, it may imply that the content of speech deviates markedly from common sense and good judgement.

Psychobabble is derived from the belief that social and personal problems become more understandable through the use of complex, descriptive, or special esoteric language.

Interesting ain’t it? well the username “psychobabble0nvs” is a derivative of babbling on about Psychology with absolutely nothing to be envious about. In truth, today’s piece is about “me”.

With a Psychology degree and a touch of obsession to understand and logically make sense of the link between mind, body, behavior and therefore predict plausible outcomes or reactions to certain unexplainable situations.

Keeping in mind that in the field of psychology, there is never a definite outcome but a matter of probability through repeated patterns and even in that not all humans in the same situations act, react or face situations in one and the same way.

With the deviant plausibility of concepts around which we believe to be real or facts are often changed by matter of opinion. Perfect example, “Females are generally more sympathetic than males” is a statement we often hear, however does that mean they make better parents? Off course not, men can be just as good at parenting as women, if not more in some cases. So why do people often misconstrue the facts from opinion or attempt to relate facts to exceptions?

Why, why, why?? The word “why” appears thousands of times in our everyday lives, revealing that there is still so much about life we do not understand, but when there is a why, we will attempt to find out the answer which would mean an opportunity to theorize and in my case “psychobabble” my way into formulating a conclusion, WHICH might I add is just a matter of opinion.

 

 

So Truth? The lie behind the truth? Or truth behind the lie?

“Objective truth is difficult to come by, and even if you have it, what you can pass on to the next person is the story that you tell about it. In order for truth to be recognized as true, it has to be wrapped in plausibility. Just the same as lies. ” ― Daniel Abraham

Today’s topic shall be about what is truth, and like Daniel Abraham said, objective truth needs to be proven as does lies.

This is fairly interesting, in the world of the living, truth is often subjective, truth can only be truth if followed by facts, which in itself is plausible. This is also arguably interesting as facts can always be changed depending on factors involved. Factors often include emotions. Now a reasonable example, if a man kills someone that breaks into his house, he pleads self-defense. However, if it appears there is no weapon found at the scene of the crime, what proof is there that it was self-defense? In a situation like that, what is truth? The facts differ depending on the side you are viewing it from.

Another point of view, when people talk about something that is true, is it really the truth or your interpretation of what is supposedly true? Supporting an argument with facts, examples and theories, but does it lead to plausibility? an image can appear to be something when viewed from the front, another viewed from the left, and yet another viewed from the right. However what it is, could depend on what the artist is painting. But if the artist is not present to provide caption for the image, it is left to the viewer to decide what the image is.

Often in court cases, one is sworn “to tell the truth, the whole truth, nothing but the truth”. but is it not subjective what truth is? It is near impossible to speak of objective truth, for it is human nature to view a situation or an object with emotions involved. Truth that is unbiased is very hard to come by, for it is within human nature to speak with emotions. We tell things often with the intention to protect ourselves, someone, ours or their interests. So by not telling the whole truth, does that mean you are lying?

That said, when we lie, there is some truth in that as well. When we are forced to lie, it is often a lie not too farfetched from the truth, because a lie that too farfetched becomes unbelievable and would then defeat the purpose of lying.

So in conclusion, I ask, what is truth? what is Lie? and how do you tell truth without subjectively voicing your opinion?

Who am I? Am I me?

The simple question of: “who am I?” can also receive the most complex answers, for the exact reason, if you do not know yourself, then how do you answer a question about who you are? Simply put, trying to answer a question that you do not know the answer to, would then be a lie or an assumption, which is short of a lie!

“Wanting to be someone else is a waste of the person you are.” ~ Marilyn Monroe

Same can be said, if you do not know who you are, keep trying to find out who you are instead of trying to be someone else. By being someone else you are already thinking less of yourself for you have become an image of another, and why would you want to be an image instead of a strong, proud individual?

Both a hypocritical statement and a fragment of the truth, I can never know the true me, the day I took my first breath to the day I rest in peace, my mind will change, my personality will grow, develop or deteriorate. “The only constant thing in my life is change”.

So who am I? the truth be told, no matter what I say, it might be the truth today, but a lie in the past as well as the future.

Therefore all the answers you see through media, blogs, biographies are simply a truth today but a lie tomorrow. If you can argue this comment, I’ll try my utmost to rebut you.